Today was a difficult day for the Transgender community. The President of the United States tweeted that he was enacting a ban on transgender people in the military.

I first felt anger. Then, I quickly moved to sadness and fear. Where else would I lose freedoms, my job, my housing? Then, I went into overwhelm. How could this be happening?

In an ideal world, we would respond consciously to changes that affect our lives, relationships, and sense of self. However, because change involves a certain level of uncertainty, it instead tends to lead to knee-jerk reactions, rather than thoughtful responses.

If you want to thrive throughout your transition and in life, you need to stop reacting out of fear and avoidance – and start responding in ways that are in alignment with the goals you have for yourself. Here’s how:

How we do anything is how we do everything.

If you avoid, ignore, disrespect, and demean the real you, it impacts far more than your self-esteem (though it’s not great for that either). It creates an unfulfilled life of shame and exhaustion that affects everything – including your career, sense of self, and relationships. With that said, here are the three key ways avoiding the real you is currently impacting your life:

Many people think that because a gender transition is such a private and personal experience, it only involves the individual going through it. However, nothing could be further from the truth. In reality, your transition includes everyone in your life. Your parents, friends, and partner – they all transition with you. And as the leader of this experience, you have the power to influence how it unfolds. Here’s how to guide your loved ones through your transition, so they know how to offer the support you need: